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The Nigerian Bomber Edition

I was the queue at the Department store today waiting to pay for my items when this woman a few yards away started shouting to the checkout assistants;

“Hey girl! hey girl!”

The woman in her sixties had a very strong Nigerian accent; she wore ankara with a turtle neck sweater on the inside and a long coat on the outside. Her gele was tied in a way that completely covered her ears.

“Hey you girl, hey you!” She continued very loudly. “Have you got Longjohns?!”

Pardon? The assistant had a can’t-you-see-I’m-serving others-attitude along with a why-don’t you-come-closer-so-you-don’t-have-to-shout? look.

Me? Embarrassed, but only slightly. I wavered between thoughts of directing her to Uni Qlo where thermals are sold, costing me my place in the queue and staying put, hoping she stopped her shouting. I chose the latter.  I chose the latter because thanks to Mutallab I have not been in a very patriotic mood. I have not been too keen on aligning myself with fellow Nigerians, even if it was just to offer help. I thought of ways in which I could successfully fly under the radar. From reverting to my maiden name and a first name I’m not fond of, to claiming Ghana as my motherland. At least the Ghanaians are a calmer bunch. They don’t shout, brag or do 419 (not that much anyway). I will be sad to curb my enthusiastic association with  Nollywood, Ovation magazine and designer  rice  and stew, but at least I enjoyed it when it lasted. Since I don’t attend Naija parties, I won’t be missing 40 year old bald men in tight jeans trying desperately to look 23, or the Naija-London babes with weaves down to their bums almost wearing shimmering mini-dresses. I look forward to the mouth-watering culture of Kenkey and shito, I binged on it while I was pregnant with child #4 so I’m well versed. I will also finally learn how to speak Twi, that way Suzy and I can at last gist to the exclusion of all others present.

 In the end I chose not to deny my people, instead I will face up to the fact that hailing from a country where one person chose to have  illogical idealolgies that resulted in him attempting to blow up NWA flight 243  is not the worst thing in the world. It is just one individual. Nigerians are not only shocked but dismayed and are certainly not in support of that sort of behavior. Come to think of it the population of the country is so high, the odds are there will be at least one nut-case. In fact I think we’ve done quite well 1 terrorist in every 151,319,500 people isn’t that bad, statistically speaking if the only requirement for being a terrorist was to be a Nigerian, and all the world was Nigeria, we would have a grand total of 44 terrorists in the entire world.

After paying for my goods I felt guilty that I didn’t help mama. Thankfully I found her in another part of the store and gave her very clear directions on where to find Longjohns. Not only that but I said goodbye to her with “God bless you ma” and the sweetest smile, you know how we love respect!  It felt good.

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10 responses »

  1. Don’t mind that wanna be terrorist. He suffered burns to his leg? And to other parts hopefully. You sabi kenkey and shito? Correct sista.

    Reply
  2. Toks! In support of our people, I designate the first week of the year ‘National Ankara Week’! Wear it everywhere you go! And when people say my name I will passionately correct them with proper pronunciation and tonality! : )

    Reply
  3. At first reading the first chapter i though you sold out. Then going further down i realized you did fine. Its not easy being a Nigerian. That guy messed up. Now i know these terrorist are super brainwashed. The guys father at least alerted US embassy, it was their security slackness that caused it and these alone exonerate Nigeria. I know we will be checked more thoroughly but that has become a norm. I keep saying parents don’t have to over pamper their kids, A student residing in over 3 million pounds house. hmmmm he was looking for adventure that he lacked in child hood.

    Reply
  4. Become a Ghanian!!! We will gladly embrace you sis! 😉 Joke! You kept it real, good for you! I loved reading this blog. That boy has disgraced us all! Did you know that Nigeria is on the ‘State sponsors of terrorism watch list’?!!!! How ridiculous is that??!!! When has Nigeria as a country ever sponsored terrorism??!!! If Nigeria is on the list why isn’t the UK??? Look at how many British muslim terrorists have caused havoc in the last few years!!
    Keep up the good work – I love reading your blogs!

    God bless.

    xx

    Reply
  5. Alice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You read AND commented too! Thanks so much luvvie 🙂 I will happily become Ghanaian, I’m sure I can get away with tri nationality and the Brits won’t find out. Come to think of it there’s this place in Lagos where I hear anything happens…
    Thanks for stopping by Alice, do become a regular.

    Reply
  6. All I can say is I was born in England and am proud to be Nigerian. I agree that every culture has something people like and don’t like. But trying to claim another country simply because you like the way they are or culture . To me is really sad.

    Reply

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